My black box (I)

         " நீர் வழி படூஉம் புனை போல்  

         ஆருயிர் முறை வழி படூஉம்.."

                                                - கனியன் பூங்குன்றனார் (purananooru) 

               I don't know why these days are going so hard.. My mind is restless.. Some unidentified pressure cover every half of my day. I am always in search but i don't know what I am searching for. I red a small story few years back, in which a crab, a rat and  a bird were friends. Once they got a box full of their food and they wanted to bring it with them. they tied three threads with that box and pulled it. Unfortunately the box didn't move an inch as the crab pulled it in to the river, rat in to land whereas bird to the sky. Nowadays I feel like that box.  Different vectors act on me in different directions. Neither i move anywhere nor be free. Some pressure in mind and some confusions in heart always remain in deep. I wanna change but cant decide to what. Endless questions about my life softens every points in the grip of my life. I finally found that the  external changes are not a matter all and even they are meaningless until i blossomed inside. I wanna lighten my heart. I wanna tore all the screens of my mind. I wanna be free completely in mind and soul, like a small bird and accept my life as it is. So, I surrender myself to the nature (or god or which the ultimate of everything) like a piece of wood to the river. Being a piece of wood, I know i cant change the path of the river. But through this surrender, i hope i can at least enjoy my journey along with the river and keep my mind and soul completely free out of my fugacity.